What can parents do to help their children achieve success in a neurotypical world? I asked parents wherever I could find them – in development center waiting rooms, at school events and on social networking sites – about what they considered to be the most important traits to cultivate in children with autism spectrum disorders. And I’ve heard wonderful stories! Young adults with autism are completing advanced placement courses in high school, are attending college and/or are contributing to their communities by participating in theater, art, music, charities, politics and sports. One mom says that her son’s former areas of weakness – language and social skills- have become his biggest strengths.
Children with autism spectrum disorders are thriving. I know there is still a long way to go for many of our children, but it appears that the tide is turning. What are parents doing to help their children to grow up to be successful adults?
- A big component is giving these kiddos the confidenceto believe that goals they set for themselves are attainable. The world is full of success stories about people who couldn’t read, or who suffered horrible hardships or who barely scraped through high school, but they succeeded anyway. Because these individuals believed in themselves, they had the courage to try new things and they persisted until they achieved what they set out to do. And their motivation and positive attitude helped carry them through the rough spots.
- Another component was that these children were taught the social skills they needed to persuade other people to believe in them, too. Basic manners got them in the door. But deliberate consideration of others was believed to be critically important, and needed to be taught since consideration of others isn’t always instinctive in people on the autism spectrum. Consideration of others fell into two buckets: 1) Empathy, which included compassion, generosity and kindness and 2) self-regulation, which included good sportsmanship and anger management.
- Finally, the children had the ability to fulfill their goals and aspirations. Interestingly enough, abilities weren’t mentioned nearly as often as the confidence and social intelligence factors. What struck me as interesting was that parents tried to leverage a child’s strengths as much as they focused on removing delays. Early one-on-one intervention – e.g. ABA, speech and language therapy – were very important, but it wasn’t so much the therapy as the therapist who contributed to the child’s learning and future academic success. I also found that the parents themselves were effective therapists by reading to their children and engaging them in educational play.
Tags: autism parenting
Just because you have a perfect IEP it doesn’t mean that it will be followed through correctly. That depends upon the school and whether or not they are accommodating. After fighting tooth and nail for certain special education services you might find them sorely lacking (as in our case, we sure did). Your child also might not be receiving as many hours/minutes per week that you would like for speech, OT, PT, etc. So what is a parent to do? You have to pick your battles and figure out what is essential for your child and what they need at school so they can achieve to their fullest potential. You might also consider finding services in your community to address your child’s needs.
Parents must also think outside the box. Remember that the school will not “fix” your child and that their only goal is for your kid to pass, but we as parents want more for our children.
It became quite evident that no matter what the school did to help our son get on grade level was not working. Anything they provided was not enough or he did not benefit from their efforts. We therefore took it upon ourselves to rectify the matter and had our child enrolled at Sylvan. Granted, it was expensive, but they helped our son and instead of coming home with C’s and D’s on his report card, he came home with A’s and B’s. To this day, he says, “Remember when I brought home my first report card from 6th grade and you cried?” Yes, I cried, but it was a cry of joy. I knew then that he could do well in school and he continues to do so. He has been on the Honor Roll since 6th grade and he graduated from high school with honors in May. Next, is college and I hope things will continue to go well for him. It has been a loooooooong battle dealing with Asperger Syndrome and the public school system, but things do look better each year.
Good point! Yes, most, if not all, of the parents I spoke with had hired private therapists and tutors to provide instruction in addition to what the child was receiving through school and IEP-provided services.
Wonderful post with good information. My experience has been the same as Amazing_Grace’s – fight for a decent 504 Plan; work to make sure it is followed; pick your battles carefully and seek outside educational support.
Since coming to this revelation and finding a good outside educational support resource, my Sensational kid has done very well grade-wise. We’re still working on confidence and social skills though… Middle school is coming up, so we’re working hard on those skills as we’re a tad nervous…
This is an awesome list. Would you mind if I recreate it as my kid’s IEP?!
I had to write when I saw the traits you listed as the most important. I have developed a number of games for autistic children and they are based on developing the very same traits you mention. The games are intended to help children have fun and feel good about their accomplishments while they improve their social and communication skills. I have found that the children love playing the games while their skills steadily improve. The games can be seen at http://www.childrensucceed.com Thanks!