In the current climate of understated research findings, referenced by the much-publicized, but not-so-startling discovery that “autism is stressful for parents,” I would like to join in the trend of groundbreaking underestimation. Ready? Here goes….Autism is an adjustment process. Yep, you heard it here, in all of its lack of clarity and definition. Autism is an adjustment.
And I like the phrase. Adjustment is a much more positive descriptor than the alternatives my husband and I heard when we first learned about our son’s diagnosis. Phrases we heard were autism is a grieving process, or a he’ll-grow-out-of-it process, or for the disenchanted, hell on earth.
Grieving, with its related denial, anger and sadness, seems to be most similar to what many parents feel as they begin to wrap their heads, arms and hearts around autism. But unlike grieving, there is no finality, because we don’t know when or even if autism will end. And more importantly, do we really want to grieve for our child? No! We want to celebrate him for the wonderful, atypically-normal little boy that he is. Those of us with children on the spectrum know exactly what I’m talking about. Our children are quirky and they do need extra help, but first and foremost, they are kids, and we love ‘em.
So we learn to adjust. All of us. Parents, teachers, the community and our own children.
Let’s hear it for understatement.
That was very well said. Adjustment period. I like that.
Thanks, Elise!- Mae
gosh, I’ll have to disagree on this one. Grief is a very real process for many special needs parents. To call this process by another term kinda negates the whole thing. By definition itself grief and adjustment are not the same thing.
Here are some examples of things I can adjust to…
I can “adjust” to having to get up at 5 A.M. instead of 7 A.M. I can “adjust” to buying turkey instead of red meats. I can “adjust” to having 1 diet coke instead of 2 each day. I can “adjust”…
I can see that you want to put some kind of positive spin on grief, but who says it needs it. Grief is a very real process that never really goes away. Grief is something that the heart and soul need to feel and move through. I think grief is looked upon as a “bad” or “negative” process, when it seems more necessary than not.
Maybe I just sound like a fool, but these are my thoughts on it.
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Deborah
http://maternitymotherhood.net
Thanks for your candor, Kristin. I agree with you that there are sacrifices and difficult times, and that we grow as a result of them. To negate our feelings is neither productive nor wise. Glad you spoke up. – Mae