We have become alarmingly accustomed to hearing the awful news about the mean and rotten things – bullying, discrimination and other abuses – that happen to autistic children. Yet, we don’t often talk about the many kindnesses – some big and some small – that go unrecognized and occur every single day in our children’s lives. Here are a few of my favorites:
- The school nurse. When Connor spilled something on his pants, he was taken to the nurse’s office for a temporary pair. Of course, the only thing that suited him were a pair of girls’ leggings. The nurse called me to tell me that she allowed Connor to wear girls’ clothing, not out of punishment, but because those were the ones he preferred. Connor has a lot of tactile sensory issues, so I wasn’t the least surprised that he would prefer soft, knitted pants. As it turned out, the girls’ leggings were gray in color and looked like sweatpants on our skinny little son, so it wasn’t at all as I had imagined — that my son was walking around his school in pink tights!
- Connor’s para. What an angel. She’s been with Connor for four years now, and understands him probably better than anyone, Steve and I included. There are far too many of her kindnesses to mention here, but the one thing that really touched us was how hard she worked with Connor to make sure he could perform with his classmates at his school concert. There were at least five new songs to learn, and many pauses and transitions within the skit-based program. In St. Louis, paras are not paid for after-school work, but she came to the concert to see how he did and to cheer him on. Of course Connor stood on the second row, hopped up and down on the riser (very cute, actually) and kept up with all of the other students.
- The lady on the rental car bus. We had just disembarked from a long flight, and were sitting on a crowed bus going to the rental car counter. Connor was having a very hard time, and I was fighting for patience. The woman sitting next to me leaned over to me and said, “I have been listening to people say that autism is a gift, and I would tend to agree with them. Still, it must be hard as a parent to reconcile those unique gifts with the parenting responsibility of overcoming a child’s social and sensory challenges.” Instantly, I became re-centered and balanced. I’m still not sure how she know Connor had autism, but her words were at once comforting and directive. Perhaps it’s no small wonder that this lady was also a Minister.
There are many stories like these, but I didn’t want to dilute their impact by writing too many at one time, so more to follow…and please feel free to send some of your own.
Thank you for the reminder that there are many more positives in our children’s lives than negatives.