Archive for the ‘Engaging Your Spouse’ Topic

Leveraging Your Spouse’s Strengths…and Weaknesses

Monday, August 10th, 2009

Little did I know that the things that drive me crazy about my spouse (and vice versa) would turn out to be terrific assets for parenting a child with autism. My husband and I have found we can actually divide and conquer parenting responsibilities based upon our own less-than-stellar abilities.  Try it!

1. Who is the most laid-back? In our case, my husband has a live-and-let-live attitude. A perfect job for him is to work on social facilitation during our son’s group outings (like cub scouts). Whereas I tend to hover, my dear husband is able to step in at just the right time. He also gets along fabulously with the other dads.

2. Who is the most uptight? That would me. And that’s okay, because I can redirect that energy elsewhere. I am a meticulous researcher and form filler-outer; both important skills when raising a child with autism.
           
3. Who is the worst student? It’s a tie! My husband detests reading anything except the sports pages, but he seems to know how to get our son to practice reading by making it fun. On the other hand, I made it through high school geometry by the skin of my teeth, so I wind up on  math homework duty by drawing picture-based math problems.
             
4. Who is the worst athlete? Me again. Steve may be able to hit a golf ball 300 yards, but he is a lousy coach because his body does naturally what the rest of us have to practice at the gym for years. I, on the other hand, drop the ball as often as my son does, so I’m very non-threatening to our little guy, who knows that he can beat me after a few tries at a new physical skill.  I’m also a leftie, like my son, we we tend to do everything backwards and upside down!

Engaging Your Spouse

Friday, May 29th, 2009

He kisses her on the cheek, slings his golf bag over his shoulder and heads out the door with a breezy,”Don’t worry, honey, he’ll grow out of this autism-thing on his own.”  In the meantime, she keeps a rigid schedule of appointments for every autism therapy – traditional, biomedical, experimental or pure black magic – she can find.    He listens to his mother.  She listens to whomever will take her call. What little time they have together is spent arguing about who is right and who is wrong.  ’Quality couple time’  turns into an opportunity to fight without the children overhearing. Marriage is difficult enough, but autism can make it even more so. 

 One way to help neutralize autism’s effect on a marriage is to engage your spouse in creating an aligned viewpoint.  Alignment is simply another often-used corporate term that means getting on the same page.  To start building alignment with your spouse, start with a fresh sheet of paper and answer these three questions: (more…)

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L. Mae Wilkinson:

National Examiner for Autism and Education

National Public Policy Examiner

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