Holidays have always been a time of great joy and great stress. The joy of having a child experience the wonders of the season; the stress of meeting developmental milestones while battling strep, ear infections, the flu, recurrent meltdowns and night terrors. Happily, most of Connor’s childhood illnesses have subsided, and so has the race for achieving developmental milestones. In that spirit, I’d like to provide a holiday message to new ‘autism moms’ (especially those mothers with children under the age of five):
1. Christmas ornaments are educational tools. At six months of age, my son still wasn’t turning over, so I placed him on his back and held a big shiny ornament about six inches above his face. Connor has always loved anything that sparkled, and the ornament caught his eye immediately. Holding the ornament aloft and moving it slowly from one side of his little body to another, he followed it with his eyes. I took it further to one side until he had to turn his head to see it, and a little further until he turned his body, eventually flipping onto his side and onto his tummy. Mission accomplished!
Ornaments can also be comforting. One of the most enduring household traditions that we started when Connor was four, was for him to hold an angel ornament while I sang a Christmas carol. The angel ’sang’ along, which was another form of imaginative play.
2. The night time can be the right time for play. Gosh, I’ll probably get flammed for saying this, but those late night hours were some of the sweetest, most tender times that my son and I have shared. There was no one watching us, no family member judging us, no educator or doctor evaluating us. Connor and I just played, cuddled, tickled and had fun being ourselves. There were many times when my husband would stagger sleepily down the stairs to see what all the racket was about only to find Connor and I whooping it up under the Christmas tree, wrapped from head to toe in paper and bows. Of course, we all had to nap the next day, but with no distractions, Connor and I could work on what I was to learn was the important social skill of joint attention and educational play.
3. Peace and Patience. New autism moms might have a difficult time understanding this one. I sure did. If one thing doesn’t work, try something else. Or better yet, sometimes patience is the best approach…many a wise mom will say that children will learn a new task at their own pace, in their own time. Keep trying to equip them with the skills that they’ll need to become independent adults some day… and above all, tell your children how much you love them and accept them for the precious gifts that they are.
Happy holidays!!
